Home > Humor, Personal > Delayed: Thoughts while flying

Delayed: Thoughts while flying

February 15, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

There is a huge billboard overhead that states, “Visionary,” it has a picture of Thomas Edison and a tagline reading, “What it Takes”. I can’t help but wonder which idiot made that call. “You think they could be visionaries themselves and find their planes,” I overhead. Pure Genius.

I had my first security bag check today. I guess I wasn’t too surprised, a MSR camping stove and water filter were in the bottom of my carryon. “Um sir, we need to check your bag,” the lady calmly said. “And you need to be honest with me about what is in there before I go digging. It looks like a bomb, I need to know.”

Sitting down writing this one of the most attractive women I’ve ever seen sat down next to me. She delicately laid down her Gucci purse, daintily crossed her legs, and then muttered under her breath, “Ah men…always looking at me, never saying anything.” I turned to her a few seconds later and said hi. She shot me the look of death. Guess it’s no wonder she is single.

Fast food is plentiful. Burger King, Panda Express, Dominos Pizza just to name a few. But what would happen if say the airlines got smart and served light healthy food? “I feel so fat,” a young teenage girl told her friend while eating a hamburger. “I know what you mean,” her friend noted. “No wonder I always feel like crap when I fly.”

Customer service in an Airport is like telling a puppy he can’t pie on the carpet; possible, but highly unlikely. Case in point: “Excuse me, I see my flight is delayed and there isn’t a scheduled departure time. Any chance you can give me an idea of what I’m looking at?” “If it isn’t on the screen, then I can’t help you.” “So you basically know as much as we do?” “You’re a smart guy.” – Wow, this chick knows how to sell.

Money does buy happiness. Whoever said otherwise has never seen the express lane for “private executive passengers,” when going through security. Poor = long drawn out lines. Rich = bliss.

Slow people suck. Seriously. We’ve all flown since 9/11. The no liquids, laptop out, coat off, shoes in the bin, rules should be obvious by now.

Categories: Humor, Personal
  1. James Menard
    February 15, 2008 at 4:22 am

    …then you have to scurry to put your belt back on, inevitably missing at least two loops . While you hop around on one foot like a dancing monkey, trying to put your shoes on the wrong feet, holding your bag in your teeth, you look back and wonder what important item you left in the bin. Yup, flying is fun with a capital “F”!

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